During the last summer of Dad's life, I was a doctoral student at the Division of Nursing of New York University and was taking a required research course that met twice weekly. Those two classes were my only respite from the pain and grief at home. Yet, when I left for class, I often worried about Dad and the family.
A week before the course ended, Dad's condition became terminal. I knew I had to let the course professor know that I might be absent from the last sessions of the course. After class, I found him in his office. I did not intend to tell him much about my personal situation, as I knew the professor only as one of his students in a large class. However, he closed the door after I entered, sat behind his desk and, looking at me kindly as if he had unlimited time to talk, asked what he could do for me.
Suddenly, I could not find my nurse's cal demeanor or the words I had carefully rehearsed. I simply put my head in my hands and wept. When I could finally stop crying, I told him the truth about my father and asked if he would allow me to make up the last classes.
The professor paused thoughtfully, looked down at his record book and then gently said, "The course ends for you today. You've been an A student; how would this change in a week? Go home to your father and your family. That is where you need to be."
A few days later, as I sat with my father during his last hours, I knew that the professor's kindness had removed an academic burden from my heart and made it possible for me to give all my energy to my father and to my family during the most difficult time of our lives. As head of the course, my professor had the power to help or make things even harder for me. Dad passed away on the morning of the final examination for the course. To this day, I treasure the memory of being able to be at home with him at the time of his death.
Twenty-three years have passed since that terrible summer, and I now am a tenured, associate professor at another university. Over the years, I have had several occasions to remember that professor's example as I worked with students, dealing with tragedy in their own lives. Yes, I did learn about research methods in his class. However, what I learned from him about the impact of a teacher's understanding and compassion remains the greatest lesson I have had in any course.
-CAROL TOUSSIE WEINGARTEN PH.D., R.N
NURSING SPECTRUM
